Spirit-filled family-life

Colossians 3:18-22  "Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them. 20 Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart."

Introduction

Today's posts features an explanation of Spirit-filled family-life. Yesterday we considered Spirit-filled church-life. Paul's exposition of the Spirit-filled life in Ephesians 5:18-6:18 entails unfolding the consequences that should follow from the filling of the Holy Spirit. To the degree individual Christian church members give themselves over to the Spirit's influence will determine how Jesus-saturated they are. The same can be said of families. Moreover, since families make up local churches, it follows that Spirit-filled family life would be the next topic of discussion. Today's post wants to detail what a Spirit-filled family life can look like as described by other scriptures. Notice....

1. Spirit-filled marriages will more clearly picture Jesus and His church

Paul expounds on how the Christian husband and wife relationship resembles what we see between Christ and the church. However, such a reality is not only pictorial, but powerfully experienced on a greater level as the husband and wife give themselves to the Lord and thus one another. Notice Ephesians 5:32-33 "This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband." When a husband is taking seriously his role as the spiritual leader in the home, he will find himself loving his wife in a Christ-like manner. Four times in Ephesians 5:22-33 the husband is commanded to love his wife as Christ loves the church. What happens when the wife is not loved nor treated in the proper way by the husband? 1 Peter 3:7 spells it out - "You husbands in the same way, live withyour wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered." Husbands need to make sure they are not bitter against their wives (Colossians 3:19). How can these commands be carried out? Only one way - the Spirit-filled life. 

In like manner, the wife needs to respect her husband and follow his leadership as long as it doesn't conflict with her devotion to the Lord (Colossians 3:18; Ephesians 5:22). Submissiveness is another way of saying humility, the chiefest Christ-like attribute (see Philippians 2:1-4). Again, how can the wife be this way to her husband? Only one way - the Spirit-filled life. When both the husband and the wife are drawing closer to the Lord, they will inevitably draw closer to one another. Spirit-filled marriages are the only marriages that can most clearly look like Jesus and His church. Notice a second trait of Spirit-filled family-life...

2. The Spirit's desire to work in our children's lives. Ephesians 6:1-4

Throughout the scripture were examples of children being used by God and being led by the Holy Spirit. Joseph for example, despite his initial arrogance, was a believer who was humbled by God and led by the Spirit, gifted to interpret dreams (see Genesis 37-50). Or how about the boy-king Josiah who at the tender age of 8 became king over Jerusalem and Judah in 2 Kings 22? He walked in the ways of the Lord and never turned from the right nor the left. Certainly John the Baptist illustrates a child who perated under the auspices of the Holy Spirit (albeit in a unique but nonetheless real way). 

Little Rhoda, the servant girl who answered the door at a prayer meeting for the Apostle Peter who had miraculously escaped from prison, is a child I would characterized as Spirit-led in Acts 12:12-15. Was it that the other church members in attendance weren't? Not necessarily. What tells us that Rhoda was filled with the Holy Spirit? Consider the following observations. First, her faith. Rhoda's unusual certainty of the man knocking on the door as being Peter in the face of doubts clues us in on Rhoda's spiritual condition. Second, her perception. She operated more by what she could not see than what she could see (compare 2 Corinthians 5:7). Third, her joy. Rhoda also had an unwavering joy that compelled her to go tell the praying church members that it was indeed Peter (compare Galatians 5:22). Faith, perception and joy marked Rhoda's motives, all of which correspond to someone filled with the Holy Spirit - and a child no less!

Now when we consider the instruction for children to obey their parents, the obedience being called for here is not only a dutiful response to parental authority. This manner of obedience entails submission and yieldedness on the part of the child. As children grow older, the pattern of obedience will be challenged. 

Parents being led by the Holy Spirit will discover very quickly how relevant the Spirit's filling ministry truly is! The temptation can come for a parent to "frustrate their child". How? When we as parents operate more by our own understanding than by the Spirit, we will operate in extremes. The flesh always operates in extremes. Hence, some parents will be overly strict - leading to the breaking of the child's spirit, and not just their will. In the other direction, parents can be overly-permissive, not setting booundaries. The problem can be when we are inconsistent - which can also provoke a child to wrath. I would add the pattern that is often-times demonstrated when a parent expects their child to go to church, and yet they themselves do not attend. Ought children be at church? Of course! But moreso the parents that make them go. 

Overtime, especially in the teenage years, the disparity between the child's regular attendance and the parent's lack thereof will lead to unnecessary frustration. We as parents set the bar before our children in the realm of moral and spiritual development. Parents may very well set the bar and the child still choose when their older to not continue in that wake. However, for parents who do not yield themselves to the Lord in His word and by His Spirit, the inconsistencies mentioned above and very quickly creep into the family-life. 

These are some of the thoughts that we can glean from this very important section in Ephesians 6:1-4 on Spirit-filled family life. 

A Highly Recommended Resource for Husbands and Fathers: The Shepherd Leader at Home

Ephesians 5:22-25 "Wives, be subject to your own husbands,as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. 24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her."

Introduction:                                                            Today's post features a review of a marvelous book written for husbands and fathers by a great friend and mentor, Dr. Timothy Witmer. The book is entitled: "The Shepherd Leader at Home". The below review is also available at the other blogsite: https://biblicalexegete.wordpress.com/2015/01/01/highly-recommended-resource-for-husbands-and-fathers-the-shepherd-leader-at-home/

An Overview of "The Shepherd Leader at Home"

To begin on a personal note, it is rare to read a book that is written by an author that is considered to be a family friend and mentor. If the reader is looking for a well written and accessible book containing illustrations and wisdom for men who desire to be better men of God for their wives and children, then “The Shepherd Leader at Home” comes highly recommended.  Dr. Witmer’s central thesis is that men are called to be “shepherd leaders” in their homes in the capacities of knowing, leading, protecting and providing for their families. The below review aims to briefly summarize Dr. Witmer’s book with the aim of commending it to every man who desires to shepherd his wife and children by God’s design. At the end of the review there will be a link for the reader to go to in wanting to know further information about the book. 

Part One: The Shepherd Knows His Family

The first three chapters explain what is entailed in men knowing their wives and children. Dr. Witmer notes on page 31 that marriage is designed by God to be permanent, meet the needs for companionship, help in the tasks of life, relationship, intimacy, joy and functions to illustrate Christ and His church.  In chapter two we see the following quote that emphasizes the priority of getting to know one’s wife: “This is an important way to express your love for your wife as you show her that being alone with her is a key priority of your life.” Dr. Witmer develops the idea of knowing one’s wife as foundational and thus leading to the important effort in knowing one’s children. The third chapter contains four necessary elements in exercising quality communication with your children:

1. Look at the most effective way to interact with each child
2. Commit yourself to building up your children with your words
3. Remember, quality communication means being a good listener
4. Finally, speak to the heart

Part Two: The Shepherd Leads His Family

Knowing one’s wife and children is crucial to how a man begins to understand their role as a shepherd in the home. The second part of Dr. Witmer’s book challenges men to lead their families. One of the most insightful illustrations on leadership itself appears in chapter four of the book. In the illustration he progressively introduces three boxes labeled from left to right: “followers”,” leader” and “goal”. He then sets a fourth box with the label “God” directly above the other three and has arrows leading from the bottom three boxes to  the “God” box. Dr. Witmer’s point is that all the relationships between followers, leaders and goals must be directed toward and in relationship to God, who is the Creator and supplier of all three. This insight is then used in undergirding chapter five’s emphasis on leading the wife with unconditional love and the children by loving principles in chapter six.

Part Three: The Shepherd Provides for His Family

The third part of the book urges the man of God to shepherd his home by way of providing for his family both materially and spiritual. Dr. Witmer explains the material provision as the man of God exercising the attitudes of child-like dependence, thankfulness, generosity and dependence. Such attitudes are modeled and reinforced by the shepherding father to his children. In the sixth chapter we see the shepherding father and husband encouraged to lead his family by the scriptures. Dr. Witmer uses the four-fold function of scripture described in 2 Timothy 3:16 as the basis for such spiritual provision: teaching, reproof, correction and training in righteousness.  Dr. Witmer writes on page 116: “As the Lord renewed his covenant with Israel, he reminded parents that their responsibility was to convey their love and commitment to the Lord and His Word everywhere and all the time.”

Part Four: The Shepherd Protects His family

Thus far “The Shepherd Leader at Home” has unfolded three functions of the man of God who aims to shepherd his home as a knower, leader and provider for his wife and children. This final section of the book unfolds the fourth and final area of protecting the family through the drawing forth of boundaries. In chapter nine Dr. Witmer lays out boundaries for husbands to draw that can protect their marriages from unfaithfulness: namely determination to walk in the Lord’s way; rejoicing in one’s wife; immediate rejection of lustful thoughts; reliance upon the Great Shepherd and accountability. The final chapter of the book is devoted to drawing boundaries for the children. Dr. Witmer’s seven-step process for reacting to the inevitable crossing of boundaries by the children is invaluable:

1. Ask the Lord for wisdom
2. Be sure the line has been crossed
3. Confront and clarify
4. Deliver the promised consequences
5. Explain additional consequences of action
6. Forgive completely
7. Graciously restore and move on

As Dr. Witmer closes out his book, he has an “afterword” that reminds men that they have less time than they think to directly impact their children before they become adults. Applying the principles of the “Shepherd Leader” must begin now if results are to bear forth fruit over the lifetime of the children and the duration of the marriage relationship.  A very helpful appendix listing resources for family devotions is included to help men to know where to look in furthering their responsibilities as shepherd leaders.

Final thoughts:

As was noted above, this book is highly recommended and a must have for any husband and father wanting to shepherd their home by God’s design.  It’s size (158 pages plus appendices), cost ($12.99 or $10.71 on Amazon) and readability makes “The Shepherd Leader at Home” a necessary resource for every husband and father. Below is a link that describes the book in further detail.

Timothy Z. Witmer. “The Shepherd Leader at Home” Crossway. 2012. $12.99 ($10.71 on Amazon)                                                                  http://www.amazon.com/Shepherd-Leader-Home-Protecting-Providing/dp/1433530074/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1420145253&sr=8-1&keywords=shepherd+leader+at+home

On-Target Christian Parenting - Colossians 3:20-21

Colossians 3:20-21 "Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasingto the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart."

Note: The reader is invited to look at a differently worded version of this post at the other blogsite: http://biblicalexegete.wordpress.com/2014/08/21/looking-at-on-target-christian-parenting-in-colossians-320-21/

Introduction:
I wanted to begin today's post with a text I received this week from a Godly man:
"We know Satan wants us to fail as fathers. In particular, I think he wants our boys. There are several reasons for this. First, Satan is like a shrewd financial investor seeking a huge return for his effort. He seeks the biggest bang for his spiritual destruction buck. Young men represent a golden opportunity for him if they can be led astray. Young men can do a lot of damage physically, financially, relationally and socially -when they are not serving the Lord. 

Second, Satan not only reaps immediate dividends from his investment in young men, he yields exponential long-term results. When Satan reviews his investment portfolio, he reveals the compounding problems he can create when men have lost their way. The history books are littered with men who had explosive, multi-generational negative impact, from the absentee father to the crooked executive to the ruthless dictator. Take down one man and you often get several generations afterward.

Finally, Satan destroys godly womanhood through the men. We are unwittingly dragging generations of women through the filth of our selfish passions and absence of leadership. Destruction of fatherhood gets calateral damage: the demolition of the Godly woman. 

So if you are a father of sons, you are one of satan's prime targets. Let us commit as men to stand in the gap for our boys. Let us pray for them, engage them, rebuke them, encourage them and inspire them to follow the Lord."

That text confirmed to me the direction I knew I was going to be heading this week in both these blog posts. Undoubtedly the book of Colossians urges readers to understand and apply the truth of: "Jesus is enough". Whenever husbands love their wives as Christ loves the church, she will desire to fulfill the command given to her to submit to his role as her covering or head. How a husband treats his wife will govern how she responds, and the manner in which she reacts to his leadership in the home. Today's post is aimed at identifying on-target parenting.

Point of Application:
So how can you know when your parenting is on target? The main point of application for today's post will propose the following answer: When your parenting is aimed at Jesus Christ, you will have all you need to thrive.


Normally in sermons or discussions on passages like Colossians 3:20-21, people like to point out the significance of the need for children to obey their parents. Undoubtedly this observation is true, however it does not cover all that is being communicated in the passage. 

In Ephesians 6:4 we note similar wording to Colossians 3:21: "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." Whenever we consider the things a father could do to disrupt the harmony in the home, Ephesians 6:4 and Colossians 3:19,21 spell out the following things that a father ought not to do, followed by what he must do.

WHAT A FATHER SHOULD NEVER DO IN PARENTING

Ephesians 6:4 "Father, do not provoke your children to anger...". (NASB) The phrase translated "do not provoke your children to anger" speaks of not doing something that would intentionally incite a person to be frustrated or to be moved to outburst and retribution. The command here in Ephesians 6:4 is warning fathers to not engage in a parenting style that could intentionally irritate their children and create within them a resentment. Such activity speaks of a father whose parenting style and interraction with their child produces rebellion rather than right behavior.

The parallel worded passage of Colossians 3:21 reads in the NASB "Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart." A child who is "expasperated" by their dad represents a high tension spring just waiting to "let loose" by the slightest irriation. 

Perhaps we could say that in viewing both Ephesians 6:4 and Colossians 3:21 together, both respectively warn against beginning to provoke the child, lest it leads to an all-out war later on down the road!

If fathers are to expect their children to submit to their authority or if they expect to produce children who will heed and respect them, they must parent in such a way as not to knowingly frustrate their child. Not only can such outcomes result from willful, intentional acts of bad parenting, but also in the opposite extreme of neglecting to set boundaries. (see Proverbs 13:24)

WHAT A FATHER SHOULD DO IN PARENTING
In as much as Paul issues for these negative admonitions to fathers to "not provoke their children to anger" in Ephesians 6:4 and "to not exasperate their children" in Colossians 3:21, what then ought Godly father be aiming to do? Certainly there are sins to avoid in these texts, however, what kind of parenting ought a father being exercising toward their children as seen in these texts? I find it interesting that in the positive commands given to the children to "obey their parents", the reasoning for doing so points to the Heavenly Father. Why is this significant? Whatever the Heavenly Father does and Who He is ought to provide the standard for earthly fathers.

Jesus speaks of the correlation between earthly fathers and the Heavenly Father in Luke 11:11-13 "Now suppose one of you fathers is asked by his son for a fish; he will not give him a snake instead of a fish, will he? 12 Or if he is asked for an egg, he will not give him a scorpion, will he? 13 If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him?”

Being that the Heavenly Father loves his redeemed people and provided all that is necessary for their salvation; obedience and submission ought to be a no-brainer. Why wouldn't a son or a daughter love a father who is nothing but loving, nurturing and caring? Thus by implication and based upon the character of the Heavenly Father, earthly fathers ought to love their children with the love of God through and through. (see the Father's character in James 1:17 & Matthew 6:25-33) They will know when to lovingly apply the firm hand of discipline and when to show the proper measure of patient and mercy.

Closing thoughts:

Today we considered on-target Christian parenting. Our main point of application was: When your parenting is aimed at Jesus Christ, you will have all you need to thrive.